- You will grow sore boils on your buttocks and your eyes will burst into flames. Don’t joke with sitting down to watch charts the whole day. Don’t underestimate the patience required to wait for one candlestick to form over a 4 hour period. The tenacity of a forex trader is only comparable to that of a Pupa, or whatever that maggot waiting to become a butterfly is called. If you hear a friend of yours say, “That is so boring, it is like watching grass grow,” lean in and tell them, “Compare to what I do for a living, grass grows very fast. I kid you not!”
- Little children will think that you are a vampire. I don’t care whether you trade the Tokyo session nor that it opens at 1am Kenyan time. Immediately your neighbours start spotting a light in your bedroom that comes on every midnight rumours will start to germinate. Add to that the fact that you don’t come out of your house often because you are busy trading and your incontrollable yelling (again, in the middle of the night) when you score a 50 pip profit in 10 minutes, and boss, you are just throwing more grist into the rumour mill and very soon you will wake up to summons from your local assistant chief wanting to know why you bite peoples necks. Then yell. Uncontrollably. Weirdo.
- Your girlfriend will dump you and your wife will flee. Assuming you have both. If you just have one, then she will dump you or flee respectively. Nobody wants to be married to a brick, unless, of course, it is another brick marrying the first brick. Nobody want to run around the house as this log-of-a-person fixates on the computer screen neither flinching nor making a sound as he waits for the price to touch 1.49872. Which it won’t. But he will wait anyway. Living with a forex trader needs nerves of steel which is why, unfortunately, many forex traders live alone. Fortunately, the markets are closed every Saturday and Sunday so you can either create some family time around the weekends or squander that period seated in front of your computer plotting your next week’s 3000 pip rally. #smh
- You will become confused. Horribly horribly confused. You will join a whatsapp group where one mohine will claim that price formations are the best way to trade and he will proceed to swear that even Moses and Noah traded the same. He will immediately be attacked by a group of 3 or 4 traders who will counter him with arguments for Support and Resistance trading before one forex bully, who trades using robots, stomps in and abuses all 5 of them with references to their mothers. This is where things start getting ugly with everyone coming in to call the other names of various body parts that we try so hard to hide with our clothes. At this point you will probably leave that whatsapp group (12:04 ForexNewbie left) and join an online forum, but even there when you post an innocent question like, “Hi! What is the best timeframe to trade on?” you will just end up starting a another war between scalpers and day traders. Boss, register for a proper forex class (HERE) and reduce the confusion.
- Your mother will cry. Out of shame. Because she cannot explain to other women in her Chama what her dear daughter/son does in Nairobi.
“Oh, James works at Gigiri. UN.”
“Sally got admitted to the bar last month.”
“Aaaah, that is very inspiring. Praise be to God. Mama Kamau, what about you? What does Kamau do these days?”
*Crowd turns slowly and looks at your mother anticipatively*
“Kamau? Kamau is my son? No! I swear I have never heard that name in my entire life!”
*Cockerel stands up and crows thrice*
- You will die alone. What are friends for? Friends are for going out, friends are for drinking and friends are for having a laugh with. For obvious reasons, you being a forex trader who stays indoors, you cannot ‘go out’ quite literally. So you immediately lose a third of your friends there and then. And even if they were to come indoors, you cannot have a drink with them because every time you get intoxicated, you start seeing giant crocodiles crawling on top of your laptop monitor as they munch your candlesticks and trendlines. As for laughing, you have been unable to make even your close relatives giggle because all your jokes start with, “Why did the forex trader cross the road?”!!! Admit it. You will die alone because you have no friends and according to something we read somewhere, your girlfriend and wife fled.
- You will experience constipatingly-explosive pangs of cardiac arrest. The life of a new forex trader begins with impressive results on a Demo account. You make trillion dollar profits every three minutes and you never score a loss for the entire 6 months of your practice. So you open a live account. And this is where the constipations and cardiac arrests begin. “I should have made one trillion dollars by now!” you yell at the screen as the line approaching your margin call zooms towards it like a comet on fire. Before you die or claim that your forex broker has bewitched you (how now?) just know that this is a phase that every forex trader must go through. It is the ultimate baptism of fire.
- You will learn foreign languages. Like going to Java and when they tell you coffee is 400bob you ask them, “How many pips are those?” LOL.
- You will bear striking resemblance to church mice all over the world. And for those who don’t get the euphemism, it basically means that leverage will make you broke. Leverage works both ways, so in as much as you believe that it will amplify your profits, beware that it will also amplify your losses and in most cases catastrophically so. while in ordinary times a 10 pip loss is meant to place an inconsequential dent on your equity, couple that with a 1:888 leverage and watch your balance get wiped out faster than you can say, “Wait, wait, wa…”
- CID flying squad officers will be spotted snooping around your neck of the woods. Let’s face it. You are a guy who doesn’t leave the house but you own a mansion and you drive an S-Class. In modern Kenya, only 4 people are allowed to do that – Political godfathers, Heads of militia groups, Drug lords and Socialites. And based on your looks and physique, you lack the basic requirements to become a Socialite so you must be one of the other 3. Expect to find yourself in the Anti-corruption grilling rooms twice or thrice a year and when the taxman comes calling, you better have a very good explanation of how, in just one financial year, you managed to earn more than the President, his deputy, the Attorney General and Majority Chief-Whip combined. Good luck with that!
If despite the aforementioned catastrophes you are still intent on soldiering ahead into the eye-bursting-into-flames world of forex trading, then hey, you might just have the mettle to survive the markets and make handsome profits along the way. Call me on +254736600868 and book a class HERE (It is only Kshs20,000/=) and let’s make your forex career a reality.
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